How To Be Small: 18 ways to blend in with the crowd
Building a muscular, athletic body and living a big, fulfilling life takes work. But what about building a mediocre body and an average life? Well, that’s much easier. Research and good ol’ fashioned life experience offers some tried-and-true rules to follow.
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First, allow me to define “skinny-fat” just in case you don’t know what that means. Here’s what I wrote a few years back:
“Some guys can have narrow shoulders, a sunken chest, and pipe-cleaner arms…and still carry excess flab around the middle.”
So, yeah, that’s skinny-fat. I’ve definitely been there. And so have hundreds of our clients before they made their transformation.
All right. Let’s get to it.
18 WAYS TO BE SMALL, SKINNY-FAT, AND AVERAGE
Sleep for 6 hours or less. Every day is easier to handle when you get to stumble through it instead of actively engage in it. Also, “I didn’t get enough sleep last night” is a perfectly acceptable excuse for everything. Use it freely and be relieved that you just shirked responsibility.
Jump from one workout program to another. Sure, you won’t gain more than a couple of pounds of muscle by changing programs as often as you change your underwear. But who has time to stick to a progressive training program, anyway? Much better to be entertained and have the illusion of progress than actually accomplishing anything.
Stay in your comfort zone at all times. Don’t take chances or challenge yourself in any way. Remember: anything can happen once you get outside your little bubble, and some of it is scary. Which is why it’s much safer to stay inside, where it’s warm and cozy.
Lift weights exclusively. Intervals are tough and should be avoided at all costs.
Check your email, texts, and Facebook first thing in the morning. This will get you automatically caught up on all the super-important, life-changing, absolutely-can’t-wait stuff you missed when you were sleeping. Bonus: All those messages will occupy your thoughts for much of the morning, which is perfect if you weren’t planning on actually accomplishing something today.
Don’t eat vegetables. Who cares if they have fiber and vitamins? They’re yucky.
Let other people determine your values. Thinking about what’s important to you is hard work. It’s way easier to let other people decide how you should act in any given situation.
Skip your workout. You’ll do it tomorrow, right?
Consume as much information as you can. Is there something you really want to do, something that may even change your life? Here’s what to do: Spend hours online skimming articles; read every relevant book you can find; watch all the videos multiple times; listen to every interview. And once you’ve compiled it and absorbed it all…well, then, it’s time to look for more.
Warning: Be careful that you don’t actually take action on anything you learned. That would lead to a scary thing called outcome-based decision making in which you’d actually have to do stuff and see what works.
Stress the fuck out. We all know things get immediately solved once you agonize over them in great detail.
Don’t measure or track any of your muscle-building progress. Don’t take photos, girth measurements, or body fat percentage. Leave everything up to chance.
Party a few times per week. Life is short! Might as well live it to the fullest by taking shots of bottom-shelf tequila every other day and spending the next morning feeling like shit. YOLO!
Hang out with toxic people. She’s funny, right? He’s cool most of the time, right? Who cares if they only talk about themselves or complain all the time? Who cares if they have a negative outlook on the world? They’re victims and martyrs and they have a right to feel that way. As their friend, it’s your duty to listen to all of it, absorb it, and make it your reality, too. After all, that’s what friends are for. Right?
Don’t read. Reading books is for nerds.
Rely solely on supplements. Who needs actual food when you have powders and pills?
Multi-task. Instead of focusing all of your attention on one thing, put a little bit of attention on a lot of things. Get easily distracted and overwhelmed. Don’t finish what you started.
Work a job that’s uninspiring. Spend the majority of your day in a bad mood. Waste time. Live for the weekend. Collect your paycheck and think of all the cool stuff you’d do if you didn’t have a job you hated.
Try to do everything on your own.
Add to the List, Win Cool Stuff
Yeah, it may seem like a cynical list, but it’s really a reminder for myself and the guys who are trying to do something awesome with their lives.
So what “rule” would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments and I’ll randomly pick 2 guys and send them one of my favorite books, Esquire: The Meaning of Life.
NOTE: Congrats to Kevin Haggerty and Tim G. Both were randomly picked to win the copy of the book. Guys, check your email. And thanks to everyone for commenting. I encourage you all to read through all the comments as there is tons of great advice in there.
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